All posts by Lucas Valentine

Do Chicks Dig Jerks?

You’ve seen it all before.

The band dork who has to conceal his boners in class everytime the seating chart puts him right next to Sexy Samantha.

The beads of sweat that form upon his upper lip when she asks him what the teacher said, or if she can borrow a pen.

And that nervous smile he sheepishly cracks at 6’3″ Football Quarterback Chad as he watches Sexy Samantha hop on the back of his motorcycle after school–even after listening to her moan in class about what an asshole he his!

What the hell?

“So is it true? Do chicks really dig jerks?”

Do they prefer the fuckboi who texts them “u up?” at 1 am on a Friday night instead of Eagle Scout Andy who would do all her homework in a heartbeat, and make her a duct tape rose to boot?

While on the surface it may appear that, “acting like a jackass,” is what is at work here, something else is at play.

Let’s take a closer look.

At the end of the day, all of our biology and behavior is driven towards reproduction.

Women’s bodies are specifically designed to give birth to and subsequently care for children.

Their equipped with additional fat stores to tide them over during a pregnancy alongside two oddly attractive milk jugs that will keep any baby well fed, even in the harshest of winters.

And men?

They’re born with testosterone levels that are significantly higher than their female counterparts: increased levels of muscle mass, a preference for riskier behavior, and of course their most beloved desire to stick their phallus inside any woman who is willing.

“So what’s this got to do with chicks, ‘digging jerks’?”


In ancient times, if a woman became pregnant, she risked her entire livelihood to carry the pregnancy to term.

Possible depiction of an ancient mating ground.

She’d be vulnerable, unable to care for herself at times (especially as she got closer and closer to birth), and most likely in need of protection and resources from another individual.

And what better protector than someone who has higher levels of muscle mass, goes after what they want, and selfishly believes their desires are more important?

A nice guy?



“Wait a minute, wouldn’t she prefer Eagle Scout Andy who’d do anything she’d ask, versus 6’3″ Chad who’s just using her for sex?” 

That’s what you’d think.

But since her sexual attraction is driven by these primal desires–who’d be a better provider–she opts for Chad.

If selfish Chad had impregnated her, she would rest assured that his selfish desire to get what he wants–i.e. protecting her and gathering resources to ensure the safety and birth of his future child–would be far more effective than Nice Guy Nathan who gets pushed around and does what anyone else says.

“So they do dig jerks!”

Not exactly.

This dichotomy never was between jerks and nice guys.

That’s just what it appears to be.

It’s between strong men and weak men.

And not necessarily physical strength either.

Rather, it is because strong men make women feel safe and secure.

So in a sense, you can still be a friendly guy, but you must also be strong.

The definition of a “Nice Guy”–the one we all think about–is someone who only behaves in a nice manner because they want to be liked by everybody and likewise not have anyone think badly about them.

A firsthand account of a girl rejecting the helping hands of “nice guys.”

Is this you?

If so, it’s time to unchain yourself from the shackles of “nice-itis.”

Don’t make the mistake that acting fearful and weak-minded makes you “nice.”

Returning to our story…

A man who unapologetically goes after what he wants (Chad) is demonstrating to women that, if he impregnated her, he would do whatever it takes to make sure she and his baby would be safe.

By the same token, Nice Guy Nathan is illustrating that he’ll let others walk all over him and let them get what they want before he does.

In layman’s terms: his “nice” behavior is intuitively letting women know that if she gets impregnated by him, he will most likely NOT do whatever it takes to take care of what’s his–her and the baby.

Food shortage? You best believe Nathan will be the last in line. But not Chad.

Recession? Nathan’s unemployed. Chad owns a business.

Sinking ship? Chad and his family are already on the lifeboat. Nathan gave up his seat.

While women don’t consciously come to this conclusion, they believe it.

They’ll most likely say something along the lines of, “He isn’t my type.”

Or, “He’ll meet a nice and sweet girl one day and make her happy, but I just see him as a friend.” 

“So is that all there is to it? Act strong?” 

There is one last important element in this game.

A man’s sense of entitlement.

“Er.. what?”

The way a man treats a woman ultimately reveals what he thinks about himself and her.

In other words, if he is treating her like a princess and worships the ground she walks on, she’ll most likely think he is of lower value than her.

She’ll wonder, “If he’s so great, why is he going to such great lengths to please me?”

“Clearly, he must be below me, right?”

By the same token, if he treats her like she’s no big deal, then he is demonstrating that he is of higher or equal value to her.

“He only got me a Snickers bar for my birthday!? Is it  because he could do better than me??”

“I better stay with him!!”

Make sense?


Human Sexuality 101.

Stay tuned for more.

Your Pal,


Not Interested? NEXT!

Learn your new favorite word: Next

While information overload, alongside having too many options in the dating market are common gripes amongst the Millennial generation–something both agreed amongst ourselves and pointed out by older folk–you have to admit, it has its benefits.

In other words, if all the chicks on Tinder are suddenly giving you the cold shoulder, don’t fret. Download Bumble instead.

If the girl of your dreams ends up with another man, assuage your worries, once you begin talking to someone else (or more!) she’ll be but a distant dream.

This mindset can potentially be unhealthy longterm (i.e. the grass is always greener), but it is absolutely crucial to your success when you first begin dating.

If you’re new to dating apps, sliding into DMs, and having to pay attention to a truckload of different smartphone notifications, it may come to surprise you that everyone you’re going out with has multiple nights planned out per week with multiple suitors.

The solution? Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

At least, not yet.

While many love to bitch and moan about the cultural decline within dating–that having sex on the first date is normal, monogamy is dead, etc.–let’s face it: it’s apart of our reality now and it’s something we have to work around.

As you embark on your quest to find true love (or have flings) and step foot inside the dating jungle, you’d be a fool to keep the first rabbit you catch.

Maybe the way they nibble on your fingers is a little harsh, and it’s even made you bleed a few times.

Maybe they leave little droppings all over your bed and you find it annoying.

Maybe, yet, they’re cage is always a mess and you feel like you’re camping inside when you’re spending the night over at their place

All of these things can be problems, and you’d have no clue if it could be better (or worse).

You don’t want to end up with that hopeless feeling regarding “the one that got away,” while simultaneously not yearning for what else is out there if you choose to settle down.

While this may appear to be a contradiction of sorts, it’s not.

This doesn’t mean you need to fuck every stranger you meet just to see if you’re “sexually compatible,” nor does it mean you should be a celibate nun until you reach the grave–unless you happen to bump into your soul mate, of course.

Well, what does this mean?

Take your time.

If dating someone in a serious-relationship seems like a bad idea from the get-go, it probably is.

It won’t be worth the emotional hangover you’ll feel when it comes to an end.

Likewise, if you genuinely think you could see yourself going the distance with someone, then give it a shot.

At least you’ll know it wasn’t meant to be without having any gnawing “What Ifs” circling your head at night as you cry into your Starwars pillowcase.

However, if your mission is to simply bed as many lovers as possible, then you can disregard the above advice entirely.

But what is one to do after these situations?

Play your, “NEXT,” card as soon as possible, and get moving.

If you’re going to accomplish your goal of meeting the one or slammin’ as many members of the opposite sex as possible, it’ll be in your best interest to skirt around anyone who isn’t on the same page as you.

Why waste your time and energy on someone who isn’t crazy about you, or at least somewhat interesting in getting to know you? Or who at least wants to see you in the nude at 2 am?

The sooner you say NEXT, the sooner you’ll realize that the ol’ cliche, “there are plenty of fish in the sea,” rings true.

So if the room you walked into sucks, simply walk out, open a new door, and keep exploring.

Your Pal,


How do you get a Girlfriend?

In short–you don’t.

If a girl isn’t foaming at the mouth to lock you down and become your Mrs. “[Insert name of ‘hopefully-a-stud’ here], then you wouldn’t want her as your girlfriend anyway.

And if she doesn’t pester you about your relationship status, why bother? There’s no point in giving up your singlehood for a woman who isn’t throwing herself at you.

Yet, with that in mind, it is worth discussing why girls don’t seem interested in making you their boyfriend, as there are probably one of two different factors at play.

First and foremost, you may be portraying yourself as boyfriend material too much.

“Too much?!?”

Yes, too much.

At Putting Out and Putting Up we are in tune with reality, and this means that we recognize what each sex is truly after.

Men seek sex, women seek commitment.

The inverse of this is that women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. More on this later.

“Okay, I see where you’re going with all this, but what does this mean?!”

This means that–as a man–commitment is, in essence, your pussy.

So if you’re far too willing to give it up, women will experience that same instinctual, gut-reaction telling them that something could be, “off,” that men also experience when a woman is far too willing to hop into bed.

On the flip side of this, there’s a chance that you’re depicting yourself as too much of a player.

In other words, she is perceiving you as someone who doesn’t have any relationship potential whatsoever and therefore won’t even try to lock you down.

If you present yourself as too much of a player, or “douche,” as some like to say, you’re probably not the type she’d want to bring around her friends and family anyways.

So, what’s a millennial man to do?

Your goal should be to illustrate boyfriend potential.

It’s in your best interest to not paint yourself as Mr. Safe who will provide her with a house in the ‘burbs, a white picket fence, and a moderate income salary to support 2.5 children.

While at the same time, you also want to avoid depicting yourself as Mr. One Night Stand. It’ll be tough to get her to come around for seconds if you present yourself as a total gangbanger. In addition, If you are ultimately seeking a long-term relationship, this probably won’t land you any hopeful prospects.

There’s a sweet spot to be had.

What does this mean?

You yourself should not have the end goal of having a relationship. You should only be open to the idea of one.

If that confuses you, allow me to explain.

If a girl was willing to immediately have sex with any guy who showed her the slightest bit of interest, I’m sure you’d find this odd, and for good reason.

On the flip side, if a guy is willing to immediately ‘wife-up’ any girl who shows him the slightest bit of interest, you’d probably find that odd as well.

Namely, that they’re both clearly demonstrating that they do not value what they have to offer.

If they’re such a great partner, why would they so willingly give-up what they’re able to use as leverage?

They wouldn’t.

Now, here’s the deal.

This isn’t to say that a woman who has sex is a slut, nor is it to say that a guy who accepts a relationship offer is a soft-pussy who is afraid to be alone.

What it does mean, however, is that you must pay attention to who is given permission to enter the gates–so to speak–that they hold the keys to.

If a girl lets any and all men enter her gates, you’d probably be best avoiding her for a long-term relationship.

By the same token, if a man lets any woman enter into his gates, you’d also be advised to avoid him as a potential relationship partner.

She slept with everyone on the football team? Avoid.

He’s committed to one skank after the other? Avoid.

Obviously, there will always be exceptions to this rule due to life circumstances, etc., however…

You get my point.

Just as you cannot control if a girl is worthy for a relationship, she cannot control whether a man is worthy for sex.

However, if you’re the one who is after a relationship, you really need to ask yourself, why?

If life is treating you right, you shouldn’t be so willing to give up your hand, unless convinced otherwise.

In my experience, if a man is desperate for a relationship, this typically indicates that something else in his life is lacking.

Most men don’t take the time to really ask themselves what this is before they commit to the next cute girl that gives them a bit of flirty attention – allowing them to divert their focus onto something else once more rather than address the issues in their own life.

Don’t let this be you.

Instead, focus your attention on developing and addressing your own life first (alongside dating for fun), and the right woman will come along at the right time.

Your pal,


Dating Apps: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

While your mom Sally Jane was having all her suitors meet her in the parlor after lunch–with her father’s supervision of course–we’re riding a different wave entirely.

We’ve got dating apps galore, Cosmopolitan sex tips, and terabytes of pornography to boot. We don’t have to wait around to see someone in real life–we can slide into their DMs with ease and set-up a date instantly.

This begs the question–are dating apps all that great? Are they the trade secret our love lives have been missing?

Let’s find out below.

The Good

1. Ease of Communication

Dating Apps are a millennials fantasy come true. There’s no longer any need whatsoever to be apart of random social groups, meet people at coffee shops, or ask your friend to introduce you to their pretty lab partner.

Best of all? No phone conversations required.

Let’s be honest, you’ll be hard press to find a millennial who enjoys speaking to a sexual prospect over the phone.

2. You’ll be able to meet people you’d never normally meet

No longer are we confined to our small suburb and high school social circles. You’re able to meet individuals who you’d probably never cross paths with otherwise.

If you’re into board games, video games, and watching anime, you’ll finally be able to begin swiping right on those sporty girls you’ve never had the nerve to approach in real life.

3. You’re able to learn a little bit about a person prior to meeting them

Many dating apps and websites allow you to connect your Facebook, Instagram, and other social profiles either as a prerequisite prior to joining or as an optional profile additive.

Moreover, some services like OkCupid will constantly pressure you with questions and quizzes to provide your potential suitors with even more information about yourself to help you find the right match.

4. You can meet a wide variety of people without even having to leave your home (yay homebodies!)

If you’re the type who enjoys staying home after work or school, well, I have good news. You don’t have to change a single thing about your monotonous and comfortable routine.

Get online, get swiping, and start messaging–all from the comfort of your favorite living room chair.

5. Ease of Sexual Freedom

Sometimes it can be difficult to find a sexual partner who has just what you need.

Maybe you’re into threesomes, want no-strings-attached sex, or are interested in polyamory.

No matter, the online world has got you covered.

Alongside the traditional dating apps and websites, there are a plethora of fetish and kink websites that–with the help of Google–will lead you in the right direction.

6. Improved Anonymity and Privacy

If you’re looking to keep your sex life on the down-low, online dating is an option you’d be silly to ignore.

For example, if you’re on the hunt for casual sexual encounters and would prefer to keep your business away from the peeping eyes of friends and family, the internet has got your back.

You can make a separate Facebook account, use discreet photos, and specify in your dating profiles precisely the kind of privacy you’re looking for.

You’ll most likely discover you’re not alone.

7. Reduced Pressure

In the real world, it’s easy to feel like everyone’s watching you.

Think back to high school. If you left your house with a small zit on your face, you felt like the entire school just had to be talking about it behind your back.

Online dating is different.

If you want to discontinue a conversation, don’t reply.

If you no longer think someone is a good fit for you, unmatch them!

And if you want to take a break from the dating scene, simply go ahead and delete your apps and profiles.

It couldn’t be easier.

8. Improved Safety

Many dating services like Bumble offer the ability to, “verify,” your profile with a real-time photo and additionally require a Facebook account prior to creating a profile.

Moreover, you’re also given the added benefit to only agree to meet your potential online dating prospects in public locations.

Coupled with the possibility of having mutual friends on your accounts, you can rest assured that your suitor has some sort of life beyond a few photos and a single line of text and emojis.

9. Abundance

If you’re living in a small suburb or only have access to a small circle, online dating will provide you with the abundance you need.

There’s no reason to have all your hopes and dreams riding on one single person these days.

When you can immediately improve the size of your dating pool tenfold by downloading an app or logging onto a website, you’ll soon discover that they truly are more fish in the sea.


Don’t ignore online dating.

With progressive technological compliance amongst the millennial generation, it is here to stay and won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.

With an enlarged dating pool, improved communication opportunities, and the straightforward convenience of it all, you’d be foolish to not take part in online dating if you’re on the hunt for a new lover.

The Bad

1. Perverts

Yes, unfortunately, this is true. Especially if you’re a girl.

Don’t be surprised when, after you get your first several dozen matches, you’re hit with offers of dick pics, instant hook-ups, and crass comments about your body.

The solution?


2. Unclear Intentions

While this is also true in real life, it may be a good idea to be upfront with respect to what you’re looking for.

Yes, you may have had sex within five minutes of meeting each other, but that doesn’t mean your partner may not want something more.

On the flip side, don’t be surprised if they vanish into the night, never to be seen again.

If this is something that worries you, be upfront with them right away with regards to what you’re looking for.

3. Dishonesty

You walk into a coffee shop with plans to meet Chad Thundercock from Tinder, only to glance around the cafe and see no one who looks even remotely similar to his naked mirror pic.

You glance down at your phone and see, “Hey, I can see you by the door. I’m wearing the blue jacket and waving at you!”

You look up and see a grotesque blob with a big, cheesy grin, waving you down.

As you make eye contact with what seems to hardly resemble another human being, you immediately bolt out the door, hoping to never cross paths with such a repulsive creature ever again.

This, sadly, is a reality of online dating.

While lying about one’s appearance will ensure you’ll never make it past the first date, lying about who one is can get you quite far.

If you have no mutual friends with someone, it may be nigh to impossible to truly verify anything they tell you.

So if you feel uneasy about someone for any reason, you’re probably right. Remember that.

Always listen to your gut instinct.

It will never–if ever!–lead you astray.

There isn’t much you can do here aside from listening to your intuition, speaking to their friends, or snooping through their phone–not something I’d recommend doing.

However, with that said, always go with your gut.

You may not be able to put into words why you feel like something’s off, but if you get the inkling down under, don’t brush it aside.

Listen to it.

It’s there for a reason.

4. Reduced Safety

I may be contradicting what I said above, however, online dating can both be safer and riskier, provided you don’t take the right steps.

Meet at a public location, tell a friend where and what you’ll be doing during that time, and be sure to thoroughly explore their online dating profile.

And most of all?

Trust. Your. Gut.

5. Harassment

This ties in with number one.

If you’re not careful, you could end up giving your phone number and Facebook profile information to a creeper.

If this happens, they may go to a variety of lengths to pester, badger, and annoy the living hell out of you.

Take baby steps.

If you’re unsure about someone, yet you’d like to take the messaging off of Tinder or OkCupid, maybe opt for a Snapchat account that isn’t tied to your Facebook account name.

Likewise, you could also tell them you’d like to message on Instagram–again, using an account not tied to your real name–so you can see if they slide into your DMs with a legitimate personal profile of their own.

6. Unrealistic Expectations

Yes, you may have filled out a 50-question survey that asked for everything from your cat and dog preference to your favorite breakfast cereal, but take heart, this does not mean Mr. Perfect is now only a message away.

It’s no secret that online dating will immensely improve the size of your dating pool, however, you may have to take some deep sea dives before you get good results.

Just like meeting people in real life, you probably won’t meet the man of your dreams after one single night out.

7. Lack of Conversational and Social Cues

This isn’t a huge issue, however, some individuals find it frustrating.

Texting, DMing, and instant messaging can be fun, but sarcasm and body language can be slightly difficult to illustrate through a chat bubble.

You may think your dry sense of humor makes you the life of the party, but that girl you matched with ten minutes ago may just think you’re an asshole.

Technology is useful and makes communication travel faster than the drop of a hat, but it can’t convey everything. Keep that in mind.


Internet Dating may be perceived by some to be the Bees Knees, but to others, it clearly is not the Cat’s Pajamas.

Er.. what?

Online Dating may be simple, convenient, and easy to use, but this does not mean it is free from problems.

Just like real life has its share of creepers, perverts, and weirdos, you’ll be sure to meet even more while you explore the depths of the internet.

The Ugly

1. Criminals

Again, tying into the danger of dating apps, like in all walks of life, there are always dangerous people out and about.

Now, don’t let this freak you out.

This isn’t to say that online dating sites are only packed with scumbags and banshees that want to ruin your life.

They’re not.

But just like how a small percentage of people you interact with throughout your day are not someone you’d particularly like to bump into at 2 in the morning in an alleyway–the same is true online.

Be smart. Be vigilant. Trust your intuition.

2. Assholes & Neurotics

This warrants its own blog post entirely.

There is a lot to be said with respect to dealing with these sort of people.

If some prick messages you something rude, don’t waste a second of your time engaging with them.

Ignore, then block/unmatch.

Worse, you discover that the guy/girl you’ve seen a handful of times is a piece of shit?

Worse yet, your now boyfriend/girlfriend is a piece of shit?

In the first case, send them a straightforward and polite message stating that you no longer think you’re suitable for each other.

In the second case, meet them in person–perhaps at their house–so you can get in your car and bounce ASAP when it’s all said and done.

No need to say why, no need to argue with them, and there’s no need to be rude.

In my opinion, it is better to not fully engage with people like this.

The more they’re ignored, the less incentivized they feel to behave poorly, and the better you’ll feel about yourself.

“But I want to tell them to fuck off and get into an argument with them!!”

While this may feel good in the moment, don’t.

Think about it this way.

If you choose to engage an asshole, not only are you wasting your own finite resource–time–that should be spent in search of more prominent dating partners, you’re also subconsciously training your brain.

“Training my brain? How?”

You’re giving them space in your mind. You’re telling your brain that assholes and neurotics are worth your time, you should spend your precious hours thinking about them, and that you’re going to allow some cock to dictate how you should think and feel.

It’s a losing battle.

Drop them as soon as you can and never look back.

There are better things ahead.

3. Addiction

Like any dopamine inducing substance, dating apps are no different.

We all get a kick out of scrolling through the Facebook Newsfeed, silently detesting our friends’ seemingly awesome lives on Instagram, and sneaking in a Snapchat photo under our desk.

Swiping through dating profiles is just another ingredient to add to the ever-increasing stew of internet addiction.

Use the apps, then get off them.

Don’t make swiping through profiles into a lifestyle.

It might be wise to have a set time of day you use them, then turn them off until tomorrow.

4. Depression

While you look at sexy Samantha’s questionably NSFW mirror pic, you may start to feel a little self-conscious about your looks.

Maybe, you’ll start to feel like you’re going nowhere in life as you see all these photos from what appears to be beautiful people living incredible lives.

Or, you’ll get that feeling of despair that you’ll never meet your special someone.

Relax, it’s worse than you think.

5. Cheating

If someone is planning on cheating, they’re going to cheat.

The internet just speeds up the process.

Trust your instincts and be careful out there.

And if you discover they’re someone is a cheater?

Just like assholes and neurotics, drop them and never look back.

They’re not worth your time.

6. Dependence

Dating apps and websites may be all the rage, but be careful that you don’t begin to overly rely on them.

It’d be a shame to see the girl of your dreams on the other side of the sidewalk, then suddenly realize you have no idea how to introduce yourself without the help of a direct messaging system.

Online dating should supplement what you’re already doing.

Don’t neglect meeting women in real life as you get started on Tinder and Bumble.

Online dating should be viewed as a tool, not a crutch.


Internet Dating is an incredible addition to the technological era we’re entering, yet it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows at the end of the day.

Keep an eye out for assholes, recognize that the internet does not represent reality, and don’t begin to substitute all in-person dating opportunities for sitting behind a screen.

Putting it All Together

In its essence, online dating is allowing us to do what we’d normally do, but on a much larger scale.

We can meet the people we want to meet, take a chance on someone we wouldn’t normally hang out with, and, of course, have our occasional run-in with a crazy asshole.

Online dating won’t be going anywhere anytime soon, and will only continue to become increasingly integrated into our love lives.

What better time to get started with your buds Luke and Ellie to walk you through it?

Final Thoughts

We covered a lot of ground in this article, and we still have so much to explore.

If you have any questions, be sure to leave a comment or fill out the contact form, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.

Good luck out there, and most of all, don’t overthink all this dating shit.

Trust your gut and you’ll go in the right direction.

Your Pal,


A Quick and Simple Guide to Meeting Millennial Women

This will by no means be my last or final word on this topic. In fact, I’m just getting started.

Moreover, in this article, I will only scratch the surface. Much, much more can and will be said on this subject, however, I want to briefly go over the basics before diving in deeper.

Where in the World do you meet Millennial Women?

Ah. The classic lamentation yelled from the city rooftops, the Facebook Newsfeed, and the bowels of 4chan.

Yet, maybe that isn’t a complaint you can relate to.

Maybe you’re wondering where you can meet quality Millennial women.

Or, more still, maybe you believe none exist at all!

Well buckos, good news, because that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

While the advent of feminism, the introduction of birth control, and the incredible advancements of technology have forever altered the landscape we now find ourselves in, the game is still the same:

Maximize your physical appearance + Talk to girls.

That’s it. That’s the “secret formula” all the players use, from Casanova all the way to Chad the Football Quarterback.

But what really has changed?

The aforementioned.

Female empowerment. Feminism. Whatever you want to call it. This has resulted in women entering the workforce and no longer requiring a man for financial support.

What does this mean for you?

Women no longer need men.

As a result? Male neediness is even more unattractive.

There’s a bit more to it than this, however, for the purpose of this article, we’ll leave it at that.

Up next, Birth Control.

Condoms. IUD. Spermicide. The “pill.” Pick your poison, because there are plenty of contraceptive options to go around! And what did this little variable change? A lot, actually.

Sexual encounters have been cheapened.

What was once deemed a special and sacred act one would only do with their life partner–as it would result in a baby!–it can now be done with any stranger you meet on the internet! Yippee!

While the biological response of sex remains the same (neurotransmitters and hormones that create feelings of trust, love, attachment, etc.), it is now entirely different on a cultural level.

To your average Millennial, holding hands in public means much more to them than an all-night fuck-a-thon into the wee hours of the morning.

And Technology?

We live in a brave new world.

No longer must you call your sweetheart’s landline and have an awkward conversation with one of their parents just to schedule a date.

No longer must you go days without any interaction from the opposite sex if you’re trapped at your parents’ house for Christmas.

No longer must you even need another physical body to get sexually aroused.

Times are a-changin’.

So, what should a young up-and-coming millennial skirt chaser take into consideration when it comes to technology?

Speed of communication.

The amount of time it takes to meet a dozen women has been reduced tenfold. There’s no need to hit the sidewalk and block out time doing, “approaches,” when you can simply download an app and begin swiping away.

Let’s briefly recap what we’ve learned before I lay out your battle plan.

-The Formula for meeting women = Maximize your physical appearance + Talk to girls.

Always has been, always will be.

-The Changed Variables of our Time:

–1. Neediness is now significantly more unattractive.

–2. Commitment is now considered a much more valuable commodity than sex.

–3. The speed at which you can now meet and subsequently schedule dates and meetups with women has been drastically reduced.

Great. Now that we know what we’re dealing with, what’s our plan of attack for consistently meeting high-quality millennial women?

Step 1. Download Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and Coffee Meets Bagel.

Depending on where you are located internationally, Badoo may be an option as well. Aside from these, ignore all other apps. Hinge, Plenty of Fish, etc. are all useless.

Now before you say, “Only hoes use those apps, blah, blah, blah…”

You’re right. Hoes do use these apps. Hoes also use the sidewalk. And go to the grocery store. They’re everywhere.

You’re not going to be swiping on goddesses every single time, but you’ll find some gems here and there. Moreover, if you’re struggling to get going in real life–you have a small social circle or are too anxious to ask out a girl in person–online dating will help you get your feet wet and get you moving in the right direction.

I’m not going to go into detail with what your photos, bio, etc. should be, that’s for another post, just use common sense and don’t put up anything ugly.

It is worth noting, however, that if you put in that extra bit of effort to have a few great photos–maybe even some that have been professionally taken–you’ll be miles ahead of the pack.

If you use these apps consistently, you should be able to land several dates per week.

Don’t overthink the “opening message” either.

A simple one that will get you spotted amongst the forever lapping tide of, “hey whats up,” messages a girl has in her inbox is, “Let me guess… you’re [insert ethnicity or nationality here].”

That’s it. That should land you plenty of replies.

Feel free to experiment with something else, but be sure to use a little novelty. Don’t over do it, but do make an effort to not send them something generic.

Step 2. Approach 1-2 girls (or more) every time you leave the house.

Whatever you’re doing, whether it’s for work, play, or an unfortunate and unplanned trip to the pharmacy, make it your mission to approach 1 or more women while you’re out and about.

Don’t overthink this either.

Depending on where you are, just make up some bullshit circumstantial reason to ask them a question, then go from there.

For instance, if a girl is sitting in a coffee shop, you could ask her about her laptop bag because you’re looking for one to buy your sister for her birthday.

(Note: Don’t worry about, “lying,” like this to have something to say. You can tell her it was bullshit later. If it does end up turning into something serious, she’ll love that your relationship began the same way every stupid rom-com starts.)

If you feel like the interaction is going well, it is perfectly normal to ask for her phone number before you leave.

You could also rehash our now classic, “Let me guess…” line if need be, however, unless you’re at a bar or nightclub, I’d avoid asking about their race or nationality.

In this case, it is far better to make it again something circumstantial that has to do with your environment.

Example: “Let me guess.. you’re a student at [xyz school that’s a few blocks away].”

If anxiety gets the best of you when doing this, take baby steps.

Start by just asking women questions or complimenting them, then walking away.

As you get more comfortable, you can push the interactions a little farther each time.

Step 3. Follow the above and you’ll be swimming in ass.

I’m kidding. Well, not really.

Since we know that no one does jack shit and there’s no competition, you probably will be.

While everyone else has their face glued to their Instagram and Facebook, you should have no issue standing out, especially if you follow step 2.

In this age of Soyboys and #MeToo accusations, no one approaches women during the day anymore, so you’ll stick out like a sore thumb.

Ayo hol’ up, so what you be sayin’ about meetin’ high quality women?

Good question – I almost forgot.

While the above is guaranteed to help you meet more women, meeting high-quality women is something you’ll have to filter and screen for yourself.

Now, you could make it a point to join your local Polo team and become a member of the high-end country club down the road, however, that could be a mute point.

You need to decide for yourself what makes a woman high quality, and, likewise, recognize that meeting women is a largely a numbers game.

So whether you’re looking online or in person, quality women will be there, you just need to give it time.

In other words, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but you may need to catch a lot of fish before you get a good one.

So get off the internet–unless you’re on the dating apps of course–get out of the house, and get going.

-Your Pal,


Relax, it’s Worse Than You Think

Do you find yourself believing you’re the sole loser amidst the lions and tigers of the dating jungle?

The only one who simply can’t seem to get more than 2 matches per day on Tinder, no matter what you do? The mere thought of getting super liked is a far-off dream?

Maybe you get that jolt of dismay every time you look in the mirror and see only a protruding gut, fueled from Budweiser – the only six-pack you’ve ever owned in your life.

Perhaps you feel like a complete failure because 90% of your time at work is spent pointlessly browsing Facebook and Instagram, where you lament the way life has treated you. There you are, in your cubicle, watching Big Titty Becky go on about her skincare routine while she’s away in Croatia for the weekend.

Oh yeah, and her boyfriend just got that promotion. He’ll be getting a salary raise for a total 750k per year. I wonder what her anniversary gift will be?

And at 27 years old, your fertility dwindling, you can’t even hope to get a date.

Is life really so cruel?

Relax, it’s worse than you think.

What you don’t know is that Becky has an eating disorder, takes dangerous psychotropic medication for her depression, and bought 90% of her Instagram followers. And her boyfriend? He works 16 hours per day and they never see each other. This vacation is his first time off in 12 months.

But.. but… but.. Zac Efron is shredded and has a perfect life! What about him!!

Think again.

Before Body Makeup

After Body Makeup

And if you do your research, it is apparent he used cutting agents (fat burning drugs) to achieve the look he has.

Even his life isn’t real.

The reality here? People aren’t that great.

That superstar businessman isn’t an ultra-productive machine that makes zero mistakes and has light coming out of his ass when he gets up at 5 am to work all day.

That hot girl with the resting bitch face isn’t a do-gooder goddess who will levitate above you when you approach her.

The couple with that perfect life you see on TV? They don’t even exist.

And social media? Oh god. Don’t compare your “Behind-the-Scenes” with everyone else’s highlight reel.

Do you really think people will post themselves crying about missing their promotion on Instagram? Or how their crush ghosted them?

Not a chance.

It’s all bullshit.

With the advent of the internet, the Millennial generation bombastically overestimates the abilities and lives of everyone around them. Don’t fall for this.

Believe it or not, most people suck. Most people watch life pass them by while they dream about accomplishing things they never will.

Most people watch the guy or girl of their dreams walk right by them without as much a peep.

Most people plant their ass in front of Netflix every night instead of hitting the gym.

They’re simply too lazy to get off their fat asses and take action.

The good news? There’s no competition.

I mean it. None. Nada.

Workout for 3 hours per week, go to H&M and buy two cool outfits, then straighten-up your posture and BAM!

Everyone around you will think you’re a god damn unicorn.

So where do we go from here?

While yes, the dating environment today is a far cry from what your grand-pappy experienced, rest-assured, you put in 1% more effort than the competition and you’ll be the 1%.

That fear you experience when you walk past a hot guy/girl you want to meet? You’re not a pussy. Everyone feels it. 

That feeling of dread you get that makes you want to back out from your online date? You’re not a pussy. Everyone feels it.

That feeling of jealousy you get when you scroll through Instagram and see all those gorgeous, photoshopped and airbrushed bodies? You’re not a pussy. Everyone feels it.

The problem? Everyone believes these feelings.

It isn’t the feeling that makes you a pussy. It’s the believing.

So sit back, relax, and get ready to saddle up the fear inside you. It’s time to ride.

Now that we know everyone in our society is an insecure pussy, we also know it doesn’t take much to be a winner.

So next time you feel those feelings of dread, remember, everyone feels them too. Just be sure not to listen.

Once you get going, ignore those feelings, and put in that 1% of effort, believe me, soon everyone will think you have a perfect life and have it all together.

When was the last time one of your girlfriends talked about getting approached by a guy on the sidewalk?

When was the last time one of your guy friends said they got the numbers of two girls during the day when they were out downtown?

Probably never.

Okay, maybe once or twice. But you get my point.

While the actual rules of the modern dating jungle may be confusing as hell, it doesn’t take much to play at a high level.

Everyone listens to their fearful inner monologue and not a soul takes action.

In short: no one does jack shit.

All you need to do is get moving.

And yes, once you start taking steps in the right direction, the bitches and fuc bois will come knocking on your door. Get ready to beat them off with a stick!

Your Pal,


Every Girl’s Favorite Book is Lolita

Every Girl's Favorite Book is Lolita

Do women prefer older men? Does Lolita reveal the true sexual inklings of men and women today? What the hell does this possibly perverted and somewhat twisted piece of classic literature have to do with millennials, and why in God’s name is this your first blog post??

Human beings today are unfit for the modern dating world. For the past few thousands of years, men and women existed in tribes consisting anywhere from a few scores to a couple hundred individuals max. Contraception was inconceivable. Pubic hairs ran rampant. And slut-shaming was real. Very real.

It has only been in the past century or so where suddenly penises can now enter vaginas with little to no consequence, mommy welfare state will take care of your bastard children, and your next three sexual partners are only a Tinder/Bumble/OkCupid/POF/[Insert favorite hook-up app here] swipe away.

And before all this? In these aforementioned tribes, it was typical that a man would wait until he was around ~20-25 years of age or so and then take a bride who was most likely between ~14-16 years old. Women and men pairing up early and with this particular age dynamic was the natural state of human mating since, well, forever!

A man wrapping up his willy and racking up a notch count that is higher than his undergraduate GPA was not only unheard of, but downright impossible without leaving an army of fatherless children in his wake.

And where does this bring us today? Us millennials have found ourselves in the depths of a dark and vicious dating jungle that is unlike anything the world has ever seen.

It is unfeasible to settle down before age 30 unless you’d like to be broke as a joke, the dating advice from our Baby Boomer parents is absolute trash, and the sirens call of cats and internet porn can be so strong that some Millennials give up on love entirely.

On top of this? We are now required to spend a ridiculous amount of time playing the “Dating Game” if we choose to grab our map and compass and march straight into this racy storm of heartache.

Whereas in times past they’d simply wait until they came of age, we must now maneuver and swerve our way through 40 or 50 different dates per year alongside jumping in and out of hedonistically-focused 3-month flings.

I don’t think this state of Romantic Affairs—if you can call it that—will last. Something will ultimately give.

Us Millennials must take it upon ourselves to be the next step in relationship evolution—a man/woman (or something in between?) who is capable of withstanding fragmented relationship after relationship, enduring age gaps that we believe are socially normal—but Lolita’s Humbert would find atrocious—and deciding whether committing to someone forever is even possible in our modern world.

So why, then, is every girl’s favorite book Lolita? It reveals the true yearnings found in the hearts of women. To find themselves encapsulated in the arms of an older gentleman and given an exciting, adventurous life. This is far from Mr. Safe with the white picket fence and 401k many guys believe women want.

And why, just why, was this your first blog post? The purpose of this blog is to not sugar coat the truth and tell you the world is filled with pixies, fairies, and your true love is waiting for you just around the corner. Rather, it is tell you the real truth

This blog adheres to Robert Ringer’s Theory of Reality, “Reality isn’t the way you wish things to be, or the way they appear to be, but the way they actually are. You either acknowledge reality and use it to your benefit, or it will automatically work against you.”

Upon this cornerstone of wisdom, the foundation of this blog shall be laid.

We shall begin to navigate the modern dating jungle together.

Your New Pal,

-Lucas Valentine