How do you get a Girlfriend?

In short–you don’t.

If a girl isn’t foaming at the mouth to lock you down and become your Mrs. “[Insert name of ‘hopefully-a-stud’ here], then you wouldn’t want her as your girlfriend anyway.

And if she doesn’t pester you about your relationship status, why bother? There’s no point in giving up your singlehood for a woman who isn’t throwing herself at you.

Yet, with that in mind, it is worth discussing why girls don’t seem interested in making you their boyfriend, as there are probably one of two different factors at play.

First and foremost, you may be portraying yourself as boyfriend material too much.

“Too much?!?”

Yes, too much.

At Putting Out and Putting Up we are in tune with reality, and this means that we recognize what each sex is truly after.

Men seek sex, women seek commitment.

The inverse of this is that women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. More on this later.

“Okay, I see where you’re going with all this, but what does this mean?!”

This means that–as a man–commitment is, in essence, your pussy.

So if you’re far too willing to give it up, women will experience that same instinctual, gut-reaction telling them that something could be, “off,” that men also experience when a woman is far too willing to hop into bed.

On the flip side of this, there’s a chance that you’re depicting yourself as too much of a player.

In other words, she is perceiving you as someone who doesn’t have any relationship potential whatsoever and therefore won’t even try to lock you down.

If you present yourself as too much of a player, or “douche,” as some like to say, you’re probably not the type she’d want to bring around her friends and family anyways.

So, what’s a millennial man to do?

Your goal should be to illustrate boyfriend potential.

It’s in your best interest to not paint yourself as Mr. Safe who will provide her with a house in the ‘burbs, a white picket fence, and a moderate income salary to support 2.5 children.

While at the same time, you also want to avoid depicting yourself as Mr. One Night Stand. It’ll be tough to get her to come around for seconds if you present yourself as a total gangbanger. In addition, If you are ultimately seeking a long-term relationship, this probably won’t land you any hopeful prospects.

There’s a sweet spot to be had.

What does this mean?

You yourself should not have the end goal of having a relationship. You should only be open to the idea of one.

If that confuses you, allow me to explain.

If a girl was willing to immediately have sex with any guy who showed her the slightest bit of interest, I’m sure you’d find this odd, and for good reason.

On the flip side, if a guy is willing to immediately ‘wife-up’ any girl who shows him the slightest bit of interest, you’d probably find that odd as well.

Namely, that they’re both clearly demonstrating that they do not value what they have to offer.

If they’re such a great partner, why would they so willingly give-up what they’re able to use as leverage?

They wouldn’t.

Now, here’s the deal.

This isn’t to say that a woman who has sex is a slut, nor is it to say that a guy who accepts a relationship offer is a soft-pussy who is afraid to be alone.

What it does mean, however, is that you must pay attention to who is given permission to enter the gates–so to speak–that they hold the keys to.

If a girl lets any and all men enter her gates, you’d probably be best avoiding her for a long-term relationship.

By the same token, if a man lets any woman enter into his gates, you’d also be advised to avoid him as a potential relationship partner.

She slept with everyone on the football team? Avoid.

He’s committed to one skank after the other? Avoid.

Obviously, there will always be exceptions to this rule due to life circumstances, etc., however…

You get my point.

Just as you cannot control if a girl is worthy for a relationship, she cannot control whether a man is worthy for sex.

However, if you’re the one who is after a relationship, you really need to ask yourself, why?

If life is treating you right, you shouldn’t be so willing to give up your hand, unless convinced otherwise.

In my experience, if a man is desperate for a relationship, this typically indicates that something else in his life is lacking.

Most men don’t take the time to really ask themselves what this is before they commit to the next cute girl that gives them a bit of flirty attention – allowing them to divert their focus onto something else once more rather than address the issues in their own life.

Don’t let this be you.

Instead, focus your attention on developing and addressing your own life first (alongside dating for fun), and the right woman will come along at the right time.

Your pal,

Luke

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