First post: We are all fucked… and not in the good way

 

Welcome to 2018 where everything is easier and more accesible than ever before! Not only are movies, TV, music, food and fucking all instant, but it is now easier than ever before to hate yourself! In the mood to be objectified and manupulated? Tinder and it’s breeding ground for fuckbois has you covered! It should not take longer than 10 seconds after sending a simple hello to receive an unsolicited dick-pic! 

Having some trouble shedding those extra pounds?Not to worry! You can effortlessly peruse your Facebook page and find yourself face to face with a nauseating assortment of horrendous current world events and the obnoxious opinions and grammatical errors of your 599 closest friends and family! That ought to have you puking up your lunch in no time! 
Fancy feeling like a fat loser? Instagram is a quick, painful way to see how size zero, narcissistic twenty something models are spending their days and their parent’s money in ways that will have you wondering why on earth you are at a lame-ass nine to five instead of Soul Cycle. 
But the dating scene…*cue nausea *I find myself caught in between an aloof, self-righteous stance toward it and a full-on melt down. Okay I get it, the 50s are over. Men don’t take women on dates any more, likewise women don’t wait to put out anymore. Gender norms have been cancelled. Feminism and fucking are in and virginity and housewives are out. Times have changes. We are progressive now. Women are sexually liberated. The problem is that neither gender has a fucking clue how to respond!
 
Never before have the rules of dating been so undefined, so murky. Never before could you send a stranger a digital picture of your genetalia. Never before could you so easily get a woman to sleep with you, it is almost as if she too wanted to get laid! Amazing! Never before was it so socially acceptable for both men and women to meet and bone all in the space of three hours. It’s time to throw out the Juicy Couture tracksuit (jk these are totally still comfy af), say goodbye to Blockbuster and settle into 2018. Welcome to the jungle. 
And yet people are confused, scared, and disoriented by all this social change in gender roles or their lack-their-of. There is no longer a protocal or hegemony to keep us in check. The only rules are that there are no rules. Women can ask a man out. Men can be stay-at-home dads. Relationships don’t have be defined. You can have regular sex with your platonic friend and no one has to expect anything more. 
Yet, with so much confusion the dating terrain has become infested with scapegoats. Sluts. Fuckboys. Nice guys. Bitchy women. They are all to blame for an impossible dating climate. So we cope with this new, rugged landscape by blaming others, denying responsibilty, clinging to plausible deniability, creating impossible standards, criticizing other lifestyles, calling irresponsible behavior “empowering,” and claiming victimhood.
 As women, when we get what we want we are “empowered bad bitches,” but when we don’t get what we want we are vicims of a shameless dating culture. Without parameters, immature, hypocritical behavior abounds. But it is also a natual response to a dating scene that is basically a free-for-all fuckfest. 
Likewise, men don’t know how to respectfully repsond to a culture where women can have casual sex and don’t have to get married or have kids, and women do not know how to handle this new found freedom in healthy, responsible ways. So we end up with a culture that points fingers and whines and cries victim because they don’t like to lose a game with undefined, ever-changing rules. 
And I am there too, in the thick of it. I’ve played the sadistic texting games and swiped right and left and ghosted my fair share of decent people whom I was “bored” of. I answered the phone when my girlfriends have called in tears to tell me about getting pumped and dumped. I have listened to my fratty guy friend tell me about the “hoes” that have screwed him over and which types of vaginas he thinks are gross without a hint of irony. 

And the conclusion I have come to is that we are all fucking confused and insecure. We are hurt and scared and fumbling in a dark room where the only logical resposne is self-preservation at all costs.

So now that I’ve got you all nodding your heads fervantly, picturing all the fuckbois that did you wrong and the crippling insecurity that drove them to behave like monkeys, lets take a minute to discuss. We are all both perpetraitors and victims in this aggressive dating world.
This blog is a disucssion of dating in 2018 as we know it, why it is the way that it is and how we as responsible, respectable, mature, bad-bitches can respond to it. I am so glad that we live in a world where it is okay to be different and do life differently. I am eccsatic that women can have jobs and marry for love, and not because her parents picked out the farmer nextdoor. I have goosebumps thinking about women being more highly educated than men and being able to vote and have sex without having to wear scarlet A’s, yet this privllege comes with repsonsibilty, for both men and women. It comes with responsibilty for both the women who forge these new paths in dating and the women who choose not to. It also comes with responsibility for the men who dare to evolve with the new culture and for the men who choose not to. 
I am not here to sugar coat anything. Nor am I here to abide by any warm-fuzzy, political correctness to assuage our fragile egos. My advice is to lean into the wild diversity of dating in 2018- don’t fight it, don’t complain about it, don’t bemoan the bygone era of the 1950s and dates to the Soda Shoppe. 
Know what you want and go after it, but embrace the challenges and the opportunities that no other generation before us has ever encountered. Save the complaints for a retrospective night 50 years from now when you tell your grandchildren that they are doing romance all wrong and it is just isn’t like the good ol’ days of Tinder anymore.
As we embark on and continue in this confusing jungle of “u up” texts and “we are just talking,” let’s just all admit that this is mostly a mystery to all of us and we are really all just playing it by ear. Please don’t take yourself too seriously. 
Part of being a mature adult is understanding how much you don’t know and how much more there still is to learn. I always say that the wisest person is the person who says “I don’t have all the answers” and really means it. I would be lying if I said I was some kind of dating guru, I don’t have a fucking clue. I get nervous in front of people I find attractive. I have serious trust issues with men. Frankly I am just here offing unsolicited advice. 
But before you set your Ipad down, roll your eyes and go back to stalking your ex on Instagram, allow me to grasp at the strings of your broken, cynical, millennial hearts. Let’s discuss this crazy, new dating universe with a new dialogue, void of how we wish dating could be, and instead focus on how we can be better members of this new culture.

 

Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor,
Ellie x
 
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