Every Girl’s Favorite Book is Lolita

Every Girl's Favorite Book is Lolita

Do women prefer older men? Does Lolita reveal the true sexual inklings of men and women today? What the hell does this possibly perverted and somewhat twisted piece of classic literature have to do with millennials, and why in God’s name is this your first blog post??

Human beings today are unfit for the modern dating world. For the past few thousands of years, men and women existed in tribes consisting anywhere from a few scores to a couple hundred individuals max. Contraception was inconceivable. Pubic hairs ran rampant. And slut-shaming was real. Very real.

It has only been in the past century or so where suddenly penises can now enter vaginas with little to no consequence, mommy welfare state will take care of your bastard children, and your next three sexual partners are only a Tinder/Bumble/OkCupid/POF/[Insert favorite hook-up app here] swipe away.

And before all this? In these aforementioned tribes, it was typical that a man would wait until he was around ~20-25 years of age or so and then take a bride who was most likely between ~14-16 years old. Women and men pairing up early and with this particular age dynamic was the natural state of human mating since, well, forever!

A man wrapping up his willy and racking up a notch count that is higher than his undergraduate GPA was not only unheard of, but downright impossible without leaving an army of fatherless children in his wake.

And where does this bring us today? Us millennials have found ourselves in the depths of a dark and vicious dating jungle that is unlike anything the world has ever seen.

It is unfeasible to settle down before age 30 unless you’d like to be broke as a joke, the dating advice from our Baby Boomer parents is absolute trash, and the sirens call of cats and internet porn can be so strong that some Millennials give up on love entirely.

On top of this? We are now required to spend a ridiculous amount of time playing the “Dating Game” if we choose to grab our map and compass and march straight into this racy storm of heartache.

Whereas in times past they’d simply wait until they came of age, we must now maneuver and swerve our way through 40 or 50 different dates per year alongside jumping in and out of hedonistically-focused 3-month flings.

I don’t think this state of Romantic Affairs—if you can call it that—will last. Something will ultimately give.

Us Millennials must take it upon ourselves to be the next step in relationship evolution—a man/woman (or something in between?) who is capable of withstanding fragmented relationship after relationship, enduring age gaps that we believe are socially normal—but Lolita’s Humbert would find atrocious—and deciding whether committing to someone forever is even possible in our modern world.

So why, then, is every girl’s favorite book Lolita? It reveals the true yearnings found in the hearts of women. To find themselves encapsulated in the arms of an older gentleman and given an exciting, adventurous life. This is far from Mr. Safe with the white picket fence and 401k many guys believe women want.

And why, just why, was this your first blog post? The purpose of this blog is to not sugar coat the truth and tell you the world is filled with pixies, fairies, and your true love is waiting for you just around the corner. Rather, it is tell you the real truth

This blog adheres to Robert Ringer’s Theory of Reality, “Reality isn’t the way you wish things to be, or the way they appear to be, but the way they actually are. You either acknowledge reality and use it to your benefit, or it will automatically work against you.”

Upon this cornerstone of wisdom, the foundation of this blog shall be laid.

We shall begin to navigate the modern dating jungle together.

Your New Pal,

-Lucas Valentine

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